Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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