Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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