i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
