remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
