I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
