I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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