so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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