I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
