All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
