i may or may not be watching the land before time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want a musical about memes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
