You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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