So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
