I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
