what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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