I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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