he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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