OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize