Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
