I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
