Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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