I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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