Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
