She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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