so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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