Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
