So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize