My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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