You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
