I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize