my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
