You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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