i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
