I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
