you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
