i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
