so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
