The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
