Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
