so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
