i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
