i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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