I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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