It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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