I just pynch a tree in the face
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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