oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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