How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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