i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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