if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
