How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
