when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
