evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You ruined the universe
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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