Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
