What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
