I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize