GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love having hate sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
