we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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