Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
