He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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