i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have feelings that need drinking.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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