I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
