I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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