It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize