Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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