IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
