I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
