I just made out with a guy for $7.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn victory sex feels great
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