that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
