I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No more Irish car bombs ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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