I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FUCK WHALES
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
