I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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