Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Farmville is her only friend.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
