Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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