The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
