my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
