My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
