we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
