just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize