I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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