I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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