cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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