My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
