At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
