Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
