I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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