You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
