I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
